Toss Me That Beautiful Golden Apple

Just Thinking…..

It’s been a terrible, horrible, no-good year.  If it could go wrong, it did.  If someone could betray me, he/she did.  If it could be lost, it was lost.  If it could be torn and not repaired, then it was torn and not repaired.  Blow after blow…. I would be knocked down, struggle to my feet, and then be blindsided by another punch to the gut.  Did I mention that it’s been terrible?

I found out some things about me:  I trust too much.  I am naive.  I can feel hurt far more deeply than I ever imagined. My normally optimistic self is now just barely hanging on.  Sometimes I almost forget to breathe.   I cry when no one is watching…. and it’s hard to quit crying.  I have a sense of justice and fairness that others do not share.  I feel isolated and lonely much of the time.  No matter how hard I try, I fail miserably.  I can’t sleep at night.  There is a definite relationship between my emotions and my body pain and health.   Have I mentioned that it’s been terrible?

And yet…..  After everything, I still get back up; I’m still standing.  It’s just that each blow kills a little more of the essence of me.  Each blow just adds to the pain I have been carrying.  Believe me….. it’s been terrible.

Today three things happened that helped restore my balance.   Let me tell you about them.

1.  Many years ago, I posted a Scripture on Facebook: Psalm 31: 9, 10, 14, 15.  It goes like this:

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief.
 My life is consumed by anguish
    and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
    and my bones grow weak.

But I trust in you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my God.”
 My times are in your hands;
    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
    from those who pursue me.

It just so happened that my cousin took a screenshot of that posting.  And it just so happened that that particular picture popped up in her feed today.  And it just so happened that she sent it to me.  My cousin wrote today, “I don’t know why I took a photo back then, but I am glad I did.”

It just so happened…..

I believe that God directed me to post that Scripture many years ago, knowing in His infinite wisdom that I would need to see it today.  In the midst of my distress, my sorrow, grief, anguish, groaning, affliction, and weakness right now, come the words from the past, reminding me that I trust in the Lord, that I can shout with confidence, “You are my God! My times are in Your hands!”

2.  My God-given husband told me today that he loves me.  Last night, he reminded me that he says that every day to me, no matter what.  While the darkness swirls around me, while the pain is entrenching, I know that my husband is solid, steady, there for me with love.

3.  A friend sent me an encouraging email today, reminding me of her caring, her friendship, her willingness to be there when I need a listening ear.   She wrote, “I can tell that you are struggling.  I am here for you.”

Proverbs 25:11 says, “The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.”

The power of the right word!!!!  That’s what can cut through the terribleness of my present pain.  My cousin sent me the right word of the right WORD.  My husband surrounded me with the right word of love.  My friend wrote me the right word of compassion.  All have lifted my spirits today in ways that are not quite understandable to me, yet I believe it is truly God’s working.  I am praising God for these beautiful golden apples in the silver bowl.

Father, You know my heart, my grief, my sorrow.  And You cared enough to prepare for this moment years ago, and to send a friend today.  You cared enough to give me the perfect husband.   I praise You in the darkness.

To God be the Glory,

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